Caution: Work in Progress

Right now I am impatient, prideful and stubborn. Right now I am insecure, selfish and controlling.

This is who I am today, but not who I ultimately want to be.

I have a picture in my mind of the future me. It’s a picture of a kind old woman whose spent a lifetime being moved by the Holy Spirit. One whose rough edges have been softened by a loving, forgiving and gracious God. One who looks a lot more like Jesus than the one who exists today.

I see myself as a gentle, yet strong old woman. My eyes will be wrinkled from years of joy and laughter. My hands will be tired from a life spent in service to others. My belly will be soft, squishy and perfect for cuddling and comforting little children. My steps will be slow and steady because I’ll have figured out that most things just aren’t that big of a deal. My lips will overflow with love and encouragement. My heart will be filled with grace and compassion for others.

Most importantly, I’ll to be a woman whose inner beauty overwhelms my physical appearance.

I am not yet who I wish to be and that is okay because God has shown me a picture of who I will become if I continue to walk faithfully with Him.

notYet

 

A DTR with my Chore Chart

Dear Chore Chart,

We need to talk. Lately, I feel like things between us have gotten out of control. When we first met, I welcomed you into my home as an assistant. You quickly became more than an assistant to me, you became a real friend. When I was adjusting to life as a stay-at-home mom with a newborn baby, you brought some much needed sanity to my home. You made sure I had clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of. You helped keep things in order when everything felt so out of control.

Those early days were great, but now our relationship seems less like a partnership and more like a dictatorship. Somewhere along the way we switched places. You went from assistant to boss. Instead of cheering me on after accomplishing a task, you started to make me feel guilty for every unfinished chore. I found myself exchanging time with my daughter for time with a mop and sponge just to make you happy. Every time I played make-believe with her instead of wash dishes I felt like I was doing the wrong thing.

I feel worthless and inadequate because you measure my value in household chores.

We need to re-evaluate our relationship. You are my assistant, not my master. You do not get to tell me who I am or what my value is. You do not get to determine my worth as a person or my effectiveness as a mother. What you do get to do is gently remind me that I have a responsibility to keep my home reasonably tidy, that I function best in order, not chaos, and that you really are here to help.

I really do appreciate you and all the calm you’ve brought into my home. I hope you will stay. Life is better with you than without you.

Sincerely,
MamaFish

BeAHomeMaker